Smirk
by EndlessStorm
Summary: The tale of two who face countless consequences for their forbidden acts, struggling to get through everything together and rebel against fate. MelloMatt. 50 Themes Challenge.
1. Temptation

**A/N- I've wanted to do a 50 themes challenge for a long time, so, here. Also, I promise that this won't effect the updates of my other stories at all, because this is written in sorta... one-shot-form (?) ;;;**

**Also, this chapter takes place while they're at Wammy's. It may skip around from points in their lives, or it may progress **chronologically** throughout the story. Depends ouo;**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, and I assure you that I will not before finishing this story, therefore this is the only time I'll write this disclaimer. Also, the prompts were taken from Lammybug's Prompt List on LiveJournal, so I don't own the prompts either. ;;**

**Warnings: I have the rating at T for now because of language, yaoi, and sexual references/tension. It may or may not go up in later prompts. **

**001: Temptation**

_-Matt-_

I tried not to growl in utter annoyance as a slightly-damp towel landed on my head, making me mess up and ultimately get Link killed. Pausing the game, I set the controller down and proceeded to chuck the towel onto Mello's bed.

Mello chuckled and threw the towel carelessly into some corner of the room. I stood up, stretching my tired limbs. I hadn't moved from my spot in front of the TV the whole day, despite my roommate's protests. Seriously, I even had Mello bring me my food- something that he was not happy about, to say the least, but still knew that I wouldn't eat if he didn't do it.

I grabbed a change of clothes from our shared dresser and headed to the bathroom connected to our room- that was the perk of living in the newer part of this building; most of the rooms had bathrooms _in _them- as I tried not to look at Mello's _shirtless _form.

I quickly slammed the door and started the shower, wiping the steam off of the mirror where it receded because of Mello. I pulled off my striped shirt and tossed it on the floor, examining myself in the mirror.

I was no where near weak, but definitely scrawny compared to Mello. Dammit, I should really buff up... But I guess that's kind of difficult when most of your time is spent playing video games...

I had just started working on unzipping my jeans when the door opened.

Time seemed to freeze for me as Mello strode into the bathroom, not caring at all that he was in _only _his boxers and I was shirtless also. My cheeks colored as I felt the blood flow to _another _part of me while I tried to drag my eyes away from his amazing body.

"M-mels?"

Instead of answering, Mello leaned past me, grabbing something off of the bathroom counter, almost causing our skin to touch. Almost. When he pulled back, holding a hairbrush, I felt overwhelmed with the urge to laugh. If I hadn't been in this particular predicament, I would have said something along the lines of, _"Mello, you're such a fucking girl." _Oh, and then gotten punched for it.

Instead, I was left face-to-face with a hot and shirtless Mello standing three inches away from me.

When the blonde didn't say or do anything, I seriously contemplated closing the space between us and pressing my lips against his, and facing the consequences later. But before I could do anything, Mello's voice broke through my fantasy.

"Matt? You're staring."

Without waiting for an answer, the boy of my dreams left the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and leaving me alone with hot water and a problem.


	2. Addiction

**002: Addiction**

_-Mello-_

I frowned as Matt lit up another one of those cancer sticks. Momentarily, I wondered just _when _that terrible habit had started. More importantly, I wondered how the hell he kept getting more cigarettes, and why Rodger had let it go on this long.

_"Matt," _I growled. "Don't you think you've smoked _enough _today?" My voice was laced with venom, and he knew why. It was clearly obvious I hated it.

Of course, by now I had realized _why _he had so many god damn cigarettes today. L was going to be here. Tomorrow.

Normally Matt, being Matt, wouldn't even care so much about that (to my complete shock and horror). It was probably my fault for making such a big deal of it and stressing him out... I groaned.

Matt pushed his goggles onto his forehead as if to let me know he was serious. He took a long drag of the cigarette before fixing his gaze on me. I knew exactly what that look meant. _Are you an idiot? _

I sighed, flopping onto my bed and forcing my eyes away from him. "Whatever, I get that you're stressed and all, but... why smoking?"

Matt hesitated, then muttered something that sounded dangerously close to, "Oral fixation."

Dammit, that's kind of... kinky.

Feeling a smirk tug at my lips, I sat up, loving the way all of the color drained from Matt's face as my gaze trained on him. I stood up, stalking towards him like an animal to its prey, smirk never fading.

"U-um, Mello...?"

"Oral fixation, huh?" I growled out while right in front of him. When his cheeks flushed red, I plucked the cancer stick from his mouth and snuffed it out on the floor, not caring that it smeared ash everywhere. I'd just make Matt clean it up later.

Pushing the gamer onto his back, I pressed my lips against his.

The redhead seemed just as surprised- yet delighted- by this as I was. Why, exactly, had I picked this moment to make a move on Matt? There wasn't any real reason; it was just something I'd been wanting to do for quite some time.

Matt seemed all-too-willing as his lips moved against mine, parting slightly to allow my tongue entrance. Eventually, we had to pull away for air, and I groaned, "Matt, you taste like an ashtray."

Despite my words, I leaned in to kiss him again, disappointed as I felt hands gripping my shoulders, preventing me from doing so. Was I being rejected because of that comment?

But Matt leaned forward so that our lips were almost touching, breathing out, "I think I have a new addiction."


	3. Greed

**003: Greed**

_-Matt-_

L was here today.

Of course, to most of Wammy's residents, he appeared as just a synthetic voice and a letter through a computer screen. Only three people got to speak to _L _in _person. _

Namely, L's successors: me, Mello, and Near.

To say Mello was excited- both before and after- would be an understatement. He was practically jumping around- again, before and after the actual meeting- talking about how amazing L was and how Near was a fucking sheep and how someday he himself would be known as the World's Greatest Detective.

I hated it all.

I hated how Mello spoke of L. Becoming L was his main priority in life. On testing days, he skipped meals and sleep in order to study so he could beat Near. On the days of the weekly results, when Mello discovered that he was _still _behind said albino, he sulked. And I had to listen to it. Sometimes (mainly testing/results days), the blonde would even reject any ideas I had for tormenting Rodger and/or Near because it was "something that L wouldn't do."

I hated how it had taken me weeks at Wammy's to first become Mello's friend because he thought I was just more competition. Even more so when he realized I was third in line to be L. I spent countless days having one-sided conversations to finally get the point across that I had no desire to become L. Mello eventually took me in as a friend, but still, the will to be L blinded him.

I hated how Mello sometimes tried to be emotionless; stoic. Like Near. Like _L. _That wasn't Mello at all. Mello is _led _by his emotions, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I have no doubt that if he wasted time trying to be something he's not, he would fall even further behind Near.

I hated how, today, the three of us were all ushered into Rodger's office after a rather boring meeting with a synthetic voice. Of course, all of us (well, Mello and I, since it's hard to know what that albino is feeling), were shocked to see the slouched-over, cake-eating detective with dark circles under his eyes that assured us he barely got a few hours of sleep every night. L- or Ryuzaki, as he asked to be called while we met in private- spoke to the three of us together, then each separate. After my own private meeting with L, I just hoped that he hadn't asked Mello anything similar. He was practically assuring me that Near would be his successor, and I knew that would just crush the blonde.

I hated how Mello was silent on the walk back to our room, leading me to believe that L _had _hinted at Near's probable achievement. And then, the second our door was securely shut, he was bouncing off the walls with excitement, gushing about how he finally got to meet L in person, acting completely... _not-Mello. _

I hated how Mello had the audacity to kiss me yesterday, and today act like I didn't exist. Because honestly, other than telling me about his meeting with L, he didn't speak to me at all. Not even to ask how _my _private conversation had gone.

_And... _

Right as Mello exited the bathroom and walked towards his bed, finally calmed down and ready to retire for the night, I grabbed his shirt, pulling him close to me so I could crush my lips against his without explanation.

_I hated how I so badly wanted Mello all to myself._


	4. Faith

**004: Faith**

_-Mello-_

The day Matt got sick was troubling, to say the least.

The morning started out terrible, but was nothing compared to the awful events of the night. I climbed out of bed, about to start getting ready for class, when my eyes met Matt's (who, for some reason, had his goggles hanging around his neck rather than over his eyes). I did a double take, staring at those bloodshot emerald orbs.

"Hey, Matt, you alright?" I tried not to let my obvious worry sink into my tone.

But it did, based on the redhead's reaction. "Y-yeah, perfectly fine!" he assured, standing up and stumbling over to the bathroom. That alone frightened me; Matt would never stumble if he was feeling alright.

But a split second after the bathroom door was slammed shut, I could easily hear the sound of Matt retching violently, and cringed. It was so rare for anyone at Wammy's to get sick...

After the sounds continued from the bathroom for a few minutes, then suddenly stopped, I figured I had better go check on him. It tore me apart to see him sitting with his head resting on the toilet seat with tears of pain in his eyes as he clutched his stomach. I cringed. He looked so deathly pale...

"C'mon, I'm taking you to the infirmary. Now." Gently but firmly, I hauled Matt off the floor, wrapping an arm around his waist. Before leaving the room, however, I grabbed a long-sleeved shirt out of his dresser and tugged it over his chest (since he was only wearing sweatpants at the moment). Not bothering with shoes, I hurried to get Matt into the infirmary.

* * *

><p>Pneumonia.<p>

That's what the doctors, some of the best in the world, said that Matt had.

That morning, the nurse had taken one look at Matt before ushering him into a bed and forcing me to go to class. Apparently, it was bad to be "exposed" to him right now.

After classes ended, I was surprised to find that L was there.

Whether he had still been there from his last visit (a little over a week before), or he had only come here since one of his successors was ill, it was unknown. But I had overheard him speaking with Rodger and Wammy as I waited outside the infirmary (but why L was allowed to chance getting sick and I wasn't, I didn't understand).

"-we don't get more help here, there's a chance that Matt won't be able to pull through. These tests are already showing the slight failure in his circulatory  
>system."<p>

My breath caught at those words. It took everything I had not to burst into the room.

Shakily, I waited until the two older men and the detective left the infirmary to sneak in; consequences be damned. Luckily, there were no doctors in there at the moment to drag me out.

"Matt..." I whispered, tears stinging the corners of my eyes. He laid on the stiff-looking bed; his skin now had a blue tinge to it. His closed eyelids looked darker, and if not for the rough pants coming out of his lips every so often and the unsteady rise of his chest, I would have thought he was dead.

_Dead. _

_There was a chance Matt would die from this. _

No, no, no. Oh god, please, no. Not Matt. Not now. Matt won't die. Matt _can't _die.

Matt will get better.

He _will. _

Somehow, I assured myself of this, even as I sat beside his bed, forcing myself to look away. Matt would pull through this, as he had done so many times before.

Leaning forward, I pressed my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. I didn't care if I got sick. Knowing that even in his sleeping form, he would hear me, I whispered, "Please get better."


	5. Delusional

**ties with the last chapter :'u**

* * *

><p><strong>005: Delusional <strong>

My head swarm as I tried to grasp at the words, the actions, of all of the doctors and nurses surrounding me.

Pneumonia.

That's what the doctors kept repeating, though at the time, I failed to understand just what this meant.

They ran so many tests; for most of these, I just kept my eyes closed and ignored them. I didn't flinch when they drew blood, or when they hooked me up to an IV machine.

I had to get better for Mello, and if this was what it took to do so, then so be it.

Mello. I wanted to see Mello. Why had they made him leave? My thoughts blurred together. Was Mello okay? Was he sick too? Had I gotten him sick? Why wouldn't the doctors answer any of my questions?

Then again... I might not have spoken them out loud, despite feeling as though I had.

* * *

><p>Throughout the day, I heard voices. Had visitors. Or at least, I thought I did...<p>

The first one to appear was Mello, and I was overwhelmed with relief. At first. But then... the words he spoke were... not his. He called me worthless, said that I would never be able to keep up with him if I got sick. Then he laughed coldly and left the room. I knew I was screaming, hot tears running down my face, because I recall the doctors frantically trying to calm me.

The second was another that I was happy to hear, until the words were spoken. My sister. My little sister, who had died at age five. Her words weren't hurtful, but accusing. She simply asked me why I had done it. Why I had caused their deaths.

Following my sister, was, of course, my parents. Their words were painful and bitter. Those were voices I would never have wanted to hear again.

I screamed for them all to go away.

For a moment, I wished that all of this would go away. That I would be able to somehow escape their terrible words and find peace. I wanted the pain, physical and emotional, to just stop...

My day got much better when I woke up to find Mello's head on my chest and looking at me with tear-filled eyes. He simply whispered the words I had been wanting to tell _him _for weeks, ran a hand through my knotted hair, and left with a sad smile.

_"I love you."_

* * *

><p>It was over a week later when I had gotten out of the infirmary, finally well enough to walk. I had another meeting with L, in which I told him about the visitors I had.<p>

My doctors assured me that there had never been anyone in the room.


	6. Innocence

**006: Innocence**

_-Mello-_

"Attention, attention! Children, hush for a moment, won't you?"

All conversations in the dining hall stopped promptly as our attention was drawn to Roger. Didn't we already see enough of the man? Now he had to go and interrupt our dinner hour, too...

"I would just like to inform you all that as of tomorrow, a new class shall be starting. Due to, erm, _circumstances, _we believe that it would be proper to have a Sexual Education class. This is optinal, as it will not effect rankings, though _certain _people will be required to attend." Snickers were heard across the room as Roger shot a glare in the direction of the people who had brought this on.

"That is all. You may return to your meals."

* * *

><p>"Mello?"<p>

"Hm?"

Matt didn't look up from his game, though a light blush was visible on his cheeks. "I.. um... I'm thinking about taking that sex ed class."

I laughed out loud, thinking he was joking. When he didn't laugh along with me, it became obvious he was... serious. "Wait, _why?_"

"I... don't laugh, okay?" He looked up at me, and I'm sure he was glaring behind those goggles. I offered a nod. "Well, I don't really know anything about... um, _sex, _and-"

I blocked out the rest of Matt's words as I tried to restrain myself from either laughing or jumping him. He looked so shy; so embarrassed.

After a moment's hesitation, I had slinked over to the redhead's bed, silencing him with my lips. His game console was thrown to a different part of the bed. Our make-out session grew more heated, and soon, we had broken away, panting. "Oh, Matty," I purred teasingly. "You don't have to take a class to learn about sex."

Matt's cheeks matched his hair as I pushed up his goggles. He averted my eyes.

"R-really, Mels? Y-you'll teach me about sex?"

_Well, I was hoping for more of a demonstration, but... _I sighed out loud. I wouldn't completely corrupt his innocence. Not yet, at least.

Feeling a bit awkward, I began to tell Matt everything I either knew or was capable of saying. I left out a few details, but, overall...

When Matt yawned, I realized how late it had gotten. Smirking and placing a light kiss on the boy's forehead, I went and hopped into my own bed.

Once the room was completely engulfed in darkness, Matt's voice rang out once again. "Mello?"

"... Yeah?"

"How do two guys have sex?"


	7. Stained

**007: Stained**

_-Matt-_

I should have known better than to open my big mouth and enrage Mello.

We were fourteen now- well, Mello was, and it was rapidly approaching my birthday- ; it had been roughly a year and a half since the first time Mello kissed me. And oh, yes, these make-out sessions still happened frequently, and often got pretty heated- but nothing ever went any farther than that.

It wasn't love.

It couldn't be.

... Right?

At least, neither of us had ever _said _it... except for the time when I was sick and Mello came to visit me, but I still wasn't sure whether that had been real or just another hallucination.

The date of our fight was January 29th. Almost my birthday; I was almost the same age as Mello once again. It had recently snowed, and many of the other kids were outside enjoying it.

Now who the hell would _want _to go outside when it's in the negative degrees and play in something cold and mushy?

I didn't like outside to begin with.

I was completely content with playing one of the games I had gotten for Christmas (I had gotten a lot between L and Mello, so I _still _had things to play), but _Mello _decided it was a good idea to practically _beg _me to go outside with him.

Honestly, who would be able to resist Mello begging?

So, there I was, dressed in plain jeans, a long-sleeved striped shirt, and a deer skin vest- not typical attire that one would wear whilst playing in the snow, but there was no way in hell I was putting layer upon layer of clothing on until I looked like a marshmallow.

Like... _Mello. _

We walked together towards the tree that we normally sat under when the blonde managed to drag me outside. Before we could sit down, however, I turned to Mello and patted the thick jacket that didn't look right on him at all (honestly, where did he even get it?). "You look ridicules. Take that off."

Allowing a smirk to cross his face, Mello unzipped the thick winter coat, leaving him with just a black hoodie that looked a lot better. "Oh, Matty, enough with the insults. If you wanted me to take my clothes off, you just had to ask."

"Bastard."

I fell to the ground and leaned my back against the tree, ignoring the coldness seeping through my jeans. Mello was pressed against my side, and that was enough warmth for me.

What could ruin this moment of peace?

Apparently, I could.

"Good to know you're taking a break from obsession over lessons and beating Near," I muttered jokingly, never taking my eyes off the light snow that had started to fall once again.

I could feel Mello stiffen. "It's not an obsession if it's important."

I snorted. "Mels, there are important things in the world other than studying."

"Says the person that will never be L!"

"Um, I would never _want _to be L."

Suddenly, I was lifted off the ground by Mello's tight grip on my arm. He shot a heated glare at me. "How the hell can you even say that?"

I just rolled my eyes, because I knew he wouldn't be able to see them behind my goggles. "Sorry that I haven't allowed myself to be brainwashed into believing that there's nothing better than being L like everyone else here."

My eyes never left the boy in front of me, and yet I _felt_ Mello's fist connecting with my chin before my brain registered the image. I stumbled back, spitting blood onto the ground.

Within seconds, this joke-turned-argument morphed into a fist fight. Somehow, my goggles had been broken and tossed to the side. When some bystander finally had the brains to call Rodger to stop us, both Mello and I were bruised and bloody.

I stared at the ground around us. White snow, stained red.

* * *

><p>By that night, Mello and I were on good terms again.<p>

Of course, that should have been expected. He was the single most important person in my life, and vice-versa. By dinner time, we were back to our normal fight-for-dominance kissing.

As we walked into the dining hall for dinner, Mello's arm around my shoulder, I snickered at the mutters about how bipolar we were.


	8. Procrastinate

**008: Procrastinate **

_-Mello-_

"Stop complaining," I mumbled. "_You _lost the bet so _you _have to study with me."

Matt buried his face in his hands, groaning.

I smirked, opening up my text book. Matt really shouldn't have challenged me in Wii Boxing. I mean, sure, he's the gamer, but overall, _I'm _the one who's better at all things physical (even if that physical activity should happen to be on a game system).

So now the redhead had to study for tomorrow's exam with me.

We hadn't studied for long when Matt decided to call a break. Sighing, I let him go. He clearly was having a hard time focusing. Seriously, that boy should really pay more attention to classes...

I had to remind myself that Matt didn't want to be L, so it didn't really matter. Whether he cared about classes or not, Matt would remain in third place. I knew that by now. He seemed like a slacker, but really he was trying just hard enough to always remain right behind me. I had no doubts that if I were to take first, Matt would surpass even Near to get to second.

The thought that Matt could beat possibly beat Near when I couldn't (and he chose not to!) made my blood curdle.

"Hey, Mels..." Suddenly, Matt was straddling my waist with his lips at my ear.

"Uh, Matt? We're supposed to be-"

Without warning, he ground his hips against mine, forcing a groan out of me.

"Aw, don't ruin the fun, Mels!" He chuckled darkly, his hot breath on my ear.

I wrapped my arms around Matt and pulled him close to me, grinding our hips together once more. Soft lips crushed against mine.

I felt Matt smirk into the kiss, and for that, I shoved my tongue into his mouth as I tried to gain more of that delicious friction. Matt's hands tangled into my hair as the textbooks remained forgotten.


	9. Dirty

**This has been done WAY too many times. But I had so much fun writing it. :'y**

* * *

><p><strong>009: Dirty<strong>

_-3rd Person POV-_

Naturally, Roger Ruvie was expected to like children. He worked in an _orphanage; _one that was training genius children to become the successor to the World's Greatest Detective. So, the caretaker must surely be someone who adores children and is absolutely capable of dealing with geniuses-

He wasn't.

The poor old man only worked there after not being able to handle the begging of his dear friend, Quillish Wammy, who desperately needed someone to look after these children. It was not something he would have wanted to do willingly.

Day after day, he was subject to many different taunts, jokes, tricks, pranks, rumors, antics,and shenanigans. Most of these at the hands of two boys.

Matt and Mello.

Though, on days like this specific one where he found himself walking down one of the many halls of Wammy's towards Matt and Mello's room, he could only be grateful that this day they had chosen to torment someone else. Of course, this was a terrible thought; he was supposed to be _punishing _them for dying Near's hair pink, not praising.

He raised his hand to knock on the door, only to pause as he heard Mello say loudly, "God, Matt, you're so _dirty!" _There was then something similar to a groan.

Pause.

Now, Roger had noted in the past that Matt and Mello often seemed slightly... _affectionate. _More so than friends usually were, no matter how close. Often, he just brushed it off as nothing; he didn't want to stir up anything that would ultimately lead in _his _punishment.

He also wasn't normally one for eavesdropping. But if something was going on between these two, he, as their caretaker, had a right to know about it. Therefore, he waited outside of the door.

Continue.

There was muffled scuffling noises, and Matt shouted, "Mello, get _awaaaay!" _

_"No!" _

"Nnng, _Mello! _I can take my own shirt off!"

"Dammit, Matt, stop squirming!"

"Stop shouting. Someone's going to hear us."

"Who cares?"

"Mels! Stoooop!"

Roger couldn't allow this to continue any longer. These boys were only fourteen; much too young to be participating in such acts. He threw the door open, walking straight in on...

A shirtless Matt who was covered in mud.

And an annoyed Mello who was currently holding the other's dirty shirt and walking towards the laundry basket.

"Hey Roger. Can we... um, help you with something?"

Roger blinked, spluttering. "Wha... what is going on in here?"

Mello's gaze darkened. "_Matt _went outside to secretly smoke a cigarette and fell in the mud. Speaking of which, why the hell did you start getting him cigarettes again?" His glare went from Roger back towards the redhead, who stiffened and pulled his goggles over his eyes.

Roger felt defeated. Suddenly, the spotlight was on him and he was being questioned as to why he was feeding this boy's addiction, which was certainly not the reason he came here. "So, you two weren't doing anything... inappropriate in here?"

Mello gave him his signature, _Are you a dumbass? _stare as Matt's cheeks reddened. "Uh, no."

The older man sighed, not answering. He instead left the room, feeling rather idiotic. Their punishment could wait for another day.

Once the man was surely out of earshot, Mello turned to his roommate, an evil grin plastered on his face. "Hey, Matty. Since you're already shirtless 'n all, wanna play a game?"


	10. Lie

**The second part of this/next chapter will be posted within the next hour or so, because my sleep-deprived mind forgot to update yesterday :L**

* * *

><p><strong>010: Lie<strong>

_-Mello-_

My eyes fluttered open as the door to our bedroom creaked- dammit, someone really needed to fix that. Okay, what bastard had the nerve to wake me at- I glanced at the clock- 3:37 AM?

Peering through the darkness, I identified the unmistakable stripes- thanks to the little lights on the multiple electronics on the dresser shining across the room.

"Matt? Where were you?"

The shape turned towards me, and I leaned over and turned on the lamp by my bed. Matt looked like a deer caught in the headlights. His goggles were pushed up on his head, allowing me to see the nervousness in those beautiful emerald orbs.

"I.. um.. bathroom!" God, what was so bad that he was at such a loss for words?

I didn't even reply, waiting for him to realize on his own that we _have _a bathroom connected to our room, and to think of a better excuse.

He hesitated, then flopped onto his bed, sighing. "Alright, you caught me. I woke up and went out for a smoke."

I scowled, turning off the lamp. I wasn't quite sure if that was true or not, but either way, he was getting a lecture in the morning.

* * *

><p>These nightly interruptions frequented, happening every night for several days. He always returned around the same time; <em>of course <em>the damn door never creaked when he actually _left _the room. However, I never revealed to him that I was actually awake after that first night.

On the fifth night, I didn't go to sleep.

The time was 1:12 AM when Matt got out of his bed, took one look at my fake-sleeping form, and slung a backpack- containing his laptop- over his shoulder, heading for the door. Definitely _not _going out for a smoke.

He hadn't set an alarm or anything, so he must not have gone to sleep at all. If he left around one every night and didn't get back until three forty... That would explain why he was always so tired during class; then again, Matt never was one to be really alert during lessons.

I waited thirty seconds, counting under my breath, before jumping out of bed and following him. Once I was in the hallway, I could have chuckled when I saw that Matt hadn't gotten very far down the long hall yet- he was trying to be stealthy.

The chances of him turning around because he thought he was being followed were pretty high, but even higher was the chance that he wouldn't be able to see me because of the lack of light. The only reason I could see _him _was because my eyes were really adjusted to the dark due to sneaking into the kitchen for various nighttime chocolate raids.

I followed him for several minutes- because he was moving so slow, dammit-, trying to pinpoint our location. He made so many turns... When I was sure that he was about to turn right for the common room- for whatever reason, I don't know- he surprised me by turning left. I paused. That was the staircase leading to the third floor. The third floor rooms were completely empty... nobody ever went up there.

But, sure enough, I could see Matt's outline heading up the stairs. I waited until he was at the top and- I think- turned a corner before starting up the stairs myself, praying that they wouldn't creak like everything else in this building.

The upstairs hallway was lit with a nightlight, much to my surprise. I silently swore. There was a better chance of Matt seeing me now. Not like it mattered much, because I would just demand to know what the hell he was doing that worried me so much I _followed _him, but there was also the chance he would lie again.

Thankfully, I didn't see Matt in the hall, meaning he had slipped into one of the many unused rooms. Which one, which one... Ah, that one had a light peering under the door.

I sneaked up to it, flinching with every light creak of the floorboards. Feeling slightly guilty for doing it, I pressed my ear against the door. As long as no one suddenly needed to open it from the other side, I was good.

"You seem tired." The voice was muffled by the door, but it sounded familiar...

"Of course I'm fucking tired! I haven't gotten nine hours of sleep in a week because I've been here!" That was definitely Matt; there was no mistaking it.

"You could always come during the day."

"I can't! Mello can't know I'm here! You know how difficult it is for me to lie to him about why I'm so tired? Why I've been sneaking out in the middle of the night?"

The conversation stopped there. There were a few muffled murmurs, too soft for me to understand. I must have stood there for an hour, looking like an idiot with my ear pressed against the door (not that anybody was there to see me). Suddenly, I heard Matt exclaim, "L, what does all of this even mean?"

My breathing hitched. L? Did he just say L?

That was it. That was the familiar voice. L. And not even the synthetic voiced L. The actual detective in person.

Matt was sneaking out to talk to L.

I felt a twang of hurt. Not only was Matt sneaking out to talk to _my _idol, whom he had insulted on multiple occasions, but he had _lied _about it.

I didn't hesitate to throw the door open and storm into the room.


	11. Forgive

**011: Forgive**

_-Matt-_

Mello stormed into the room, and I realized much too late that I had forgotten to lock the door.

I stood up quickly, whereas L simply looked up, strawberry cake still in his hand. I glanced around the room, as if that would somehow provide me with the explanation that I needed to give Mello.

Unconciously, I had taken a few steps forward, and was now right in front of Mello. His eyes, as always, revealed all of his emotions: anger, betrayal, and... hurt. We stayed silent for a moment, and eventually the blonde spat out, "What the hell is going on?"

I looked back at L, who had resumed typing something on one of the laptops, completely ignoring us. So much for helping me.

I tried to imagine what Mello was thinking at the moment. Okay, he had found out I was sneaking out, to meet with L no less. He had walked in here and seen me working on my laptop while L ate cake and looked at another monitor. In the middle of the night. And I had lied about where I was. Yeah, he probably was curious...

"I... Mello, I-"

I didn't even have a sentence out before Mello's fist connected with my chin, and I felt like this happened too often.

"Sorry, you were saying?" he asked after I had regained my balance. His tone still held his anger, but it was mocking, showing he had slightly returned to normal.

I was torn. I wanted to grab Mello and run back to our room to explain, then kiss him until he forgave me. But then again, I also _needed _to stay here with L until this was figured out and I was assured that Wammy's occupants were safe...

Mello must of noticed my hesitation, because he looked at me with such sorrow that I swear I felt my heart breaking. I pushed all thoughts of L aside and grabbed Mello's arm, dragging him from the room. I had left my laptop, giving me an excuse to come back even if Mello was mad even after I explained and didn't allow me to return (though I highly doubted it).

Leaving the lights in the bedroom off, I pushed Mello onto his bed, then climbed onto his lap, hugging him. I buried my face in his neck, resisting the urge to smirk when his arms encircled my waist. He wasn't that mad, at least.

But then he whispered in my ear, "Don't think you're off the hook yet. You still have to explain." His voice was low and dangerous, but I could hear the smirk in it.

I pulled back a bit so I was free to speak, but didn't get off of him. His arms never left my waist.

It took nearly half an hour to tell him the whole story of how Roger had confiscated one of my games, and when I hadn't found it in his office, I had looked for it on the third floor. There, I had stumbled across L explaining to Roger and Wammy about how someone had hacked into Wammy's server, trying to gain information on the residents. Mainly, Near and Mello. When I was caught eavesdropping, I had told L that I was good with computers in order to not get in trouble. He had allowed me to prove to him I could trace the signal of the hacker; even I have to admit, they had covered their tracks well, but not to the point where I couldn't figure it out. The detective then asked me to completely redesign the House's server. Knowing it was neccessary for protection reasons, I had agreed.

I left out that I only did it because L said Mello's life was in danger.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Mello whispered after pulling away from a kiss.

"I was afraid... that you would be mad about me... y'know, working with L instead of you..." I waited to be pushed off of his lap.

Instead, he pulled me tighter. "I'll admit, I am a bit jealous. But I know that you don't want to be L, and wouldn't do it even if the place was offered to you. You're the one with the technology knowledge, not me. I'm glad you're able to help him. But stop straining your body, alright?" He placed another chaste kiss on my lips. "I love you... Mail."

I could have cried at that moment, but held myself together. I still have my pride. Stroking Mello's hair, I whispered, "My Mihael..."

For now, I was content with my life.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't d'aww yet, I'm ruining it all in the next chapter. <strong>


	12. Lose

**/FELL ASLEEP WHILE TYPING THIS LAST NIGHT**

**I just realized that L shouldn't have been alive in the last chapter, because technically, it took place about six months before Mello leaves, and L is supposed to be dead a year before that ;;;;; Sorry ; ;**

**012: Lose**

_-Mello-_

_L is dead._

Throughout the whole conversation, those were the words that kept replaying themselves in my head. L was dead. My idol was dead.

L hadn't chosen a successor.

For a moment, I wondered why Roger had called only Near and I in here, completely excluding Matt. Third was also supposed to have a chance at being L's successor- and even if the whole orphanage _knew _Matt had no interest in it, he should have at least been told the news along with us.

I kept up my strong facade the whole time, but on the inside, I felt myself breaking. There hadn't been enough time. I hadn't gotten to show all of what I was capable of. Near would win.

Roger even had the audacity to suggest that Near and I _work together. _I almost laughed, because I honestly thought it was a joke. When I realized he was serious, my anger returned tenfold.

"Look, I don't need this. Just let _Near _do it. I'm fifteen now; I'll be fine on my own." With the last word, I stormed out of the office.

_I'm fifteen now. _What a joke. I had turned fifteen only two days before, and I had a nice new leather jacket from Matt to prove it.

Matt.

If I had become L's successor, Matt would have been working with me, without a doubt. But... if I was really leaving Wammy's House...

Matt couldn't come with me.

The boy that knows barely anything beyond video games and basic testing knowledge would be in danger out there, even with me. I'm strong enough to take care of myself, and if I die, then oh well.

But I would never risk Matt's life.

When I reached our room, I threw the door open and didn't bother to shut it. I wouldn't be here too long. I couldn't even have a touching goodbye moment with Matt.

I would probably change my mind then.

So, instead, I hurried over to the dresser and started stuffing clothes and chocolate into a duffel bag I didn't know we had. I must have made a lot of noise, because Matt actually looked up from his game.

"Mels? What's going on?"

"L is dead."

He paused as I started towards the door. "Where are _you _going?"

Not being able to bare the look he was surely giving me, I didn't turn around, but paused in the door way. "I'm leaving, Matt."

* * *

><p>Outside, once down that long driveway, I hesitated. What was I getting myself into? Why was I doing this?<p>

Automatically, my gaze flickered towards the second story window that I knew led to mine and Matt's bedroom. I couldn't be certain from this distance, but it looked like a redheaded figure was standing there, watching me.


	13. Want

**013: Want**

_-Matt-_

The day after Mello left, I hacked into Wammy's server and deleted any and all files they had on him.

He wasn't here, and never would be coming back. There was no point in having a file anymore. If it was kept, they would, no doubt, write something in it about how his emotions controlled him and he never would have been L's successor anyway.

After I had watched him walk down the long drive and disappear from sight, I had locked the door of our bedroom. I didn't want any visitors. I didn't want any sympathy.

Three days later, and the door hadn't been opened.

Of course, Roger had come by several times. First, it was a simple, "Matt, we need to talk." And then a, "Matt, you really need to eat something!" But eventually, it grew to, "Matt, open this door. We need to get Mello's belongings out of there."

Each was answered with silence.

No one would ever touch the stuff that belonged to Mello. Upon thinking this, I looked over at his side of the room. The sheets of his bed were still crumpled and thrown back, and the floor around it was littered in chocolate wrappers. I wouldn't touch any of it.

Because then I would have to actually except that he was gone.

I know that, in reality, my decision was made the second Mello walked out of our room. I wasn't going to stay here. No, just long enough to figure out a plan on what I would do, and to delete all traces of myself from the system.

Then I would be gone.

Any normal person would have gotten hungry after three days, but not me. I was too focused on thinking where Mello would have gone upon leaving. My games hadn't even been touched. My cigarettes, however, were a different story. Two and a half empty packs laid on the dresser. I didn't even care if I got in trouble for smoking inside.

Mello would have murdered me.

On the morning of the fourth day, Roger was outside my door again. He was wondering if there was anything I wanted. Anything that could make me feel better. Food, games, cigarettes.

For the first time in days, I spoke out loud, a slightly-crazed smirk appearing on my face.

"No, I just want Mello."


	14. Bury

**014: Bury**

_-Mello-_

It was three years, _exactly, _since I had left Wammy's.

Left Matt.

By now, I had joined the mafia, and quickly flown up the ranks- to the point where I was now the head of it. I snorted at the thought. At one point, I had wanted to become the World's Greatest Detective, and bring criminals to justice. Now, I had LA's largest criminal organization at my feet.

I never would submit to anyone, and that wasn't going to start now.

I sighed in a bored manner, snapping off a piece of chocolate. I was working on the Kira case now, and I know that Near was, too. I smirked. Just like at Wammy's House. It was me against Near in a battle to see who could get to first- or now, who could catch Kira first.

Except now it was me versus Near versus Kira.

One of my subordinates chose that moment to disrupt my thoughts to tell me that they had succeeded in kidnapping that Sayu girl and that she would arrive at the base shortly. Oh, right. Sayu Yagami. Apparently the younger sister of the second L; Light Yagami. The one that had the notebook of death.

I dismissed the subordinate, also telling him to pass on the message that I didn't want to be bothered for the rest of the day. My head was spinning with thoughts; I really needed to sleep. But I couldn't. Not right now. Not when I'm this far.

Suddenly, everything seems so close. We're about to gain the Death Note, which is something more than Near has. I would be the one to catch Kira. I had to be. Otherwise all of those painful years would have been for nothing.

And once I had caught Kira, I would once again be someone that Mail Jeevas could be proud of.

Damn Matt... making my thoughts even more jumbled. God, I missed him so much. Which is really not something a mafia boss should be saying. I wanted nothing more than to regain contact with the redhead, but I couldn't yet.

No, Matt couldn't see me like this.

When I used to devote so much of my time to studying so I could be a detective, catch criminals... what would Matt think of me now? Was I a hypocrite, or a monster?

See, those are the thoughts that make it impossible for me to think.

I put all thoughts of Matt behind. All thoughts of my _past _behind. I had already made a new life for myself. And after I had caught Kira, I would bury the past and start again with Matt.

Right now, I had to focus on this.

I had to get the Death Note.

Had to catch Kira and beat Near.

Because in the end, it was all for Matt...

I sighed. It was impossible to keep him out of my head, which I had learned over the years.

When I had left the orphanage, I hadn't an idea of where I could go. I was simply leaving- and as long as I wasn't at Wammy's, it didn't matter where I was. What I did didn't matter. Who I became didn't matter. Who I was surrounded by didn't matter. Those were the thoughts that kept me alive.

But it was all a lie, because all that really mattered was Matt.


	15. Choke

**015: Choke**

_-Matt-_

It had been a little over three years since Mello left, and I wasn't over it yet.

Sure, I had left Wammy's just a week after he did, despite all of Roger's pleading for me to stay (though I didn't know why he would _want _me to stay, anyway). After that, I had made a name for myself. A new name. I was the infamous hacker.

J.

If you were to ask me _why_ I had used the initial of my last name, there are several different answers I could have given you. The most truthful one, however, was because I felt like it would be damaging Mello's reputation. No doubt, had he become the next L, he would have gone by "M." And even though my name, both my real name and my alias, started with M, I just... couldn't bring myself to call myself that.

Not with the work I was doing.

What would Mello think of me if he knew about all of the illegal work I was doing now? I mean, we grew up in an orphanage training to bring criminals to justice, for Christ's sake. Sure, I had never really cared all that much about becoming a great detective, but surely Mello would never have thought I'd end up like this, even with my knowledge of computers.

Sighing, I lifted the coffee to my lips once again. It was only seven thirty-five at night, but I was already tired (despite the three cups of coffee I had drunk in the last hour). Then again, I had pulled another all-nighter last night... That reminded me of my newest job, that I really should get back to. With that thought, I pushed my goggles back down over my eyes, lit up another cigarette, and turned back to the monitor. It was going to be a long night.

**.**

"Damn, that took a long time," I muttered out loud. I could have screamed it and nobody would care. The apartment building I was currently residing in was trashy and low-profile- exactly as I needed. Only a few people actually lived here, and all of them were even more shady than me.

It was already morning. I couldn't believe that I had worked two entire nights on that case- and, no, it wasn't the fact that I had stayed awake for so long that shocked me. I was used to that. It was just that that particular case had taken a lot longer than the normal ones do. The guy paid pretty good, though, so whatever.

I should really get some sleep...

But before I could do that, I knew there was something more important I had to do. Something that had been bugging me all night; the cause of my distraction that had dragged out the hacking job for so long.

I had to find out what Mello was doing now-a-days.

Okay, so I understand how it should be almost _impossible _to find out something about Mello. I mean, come on, he's _Mello. _Even for the world's greatest and most known hacker, it would be hard to find anything on him. He would have no bank account or birth certificate, either under his real name or his alias.

But even people that don't exist leave traces.

It took almost two hours, to the point in which the caffeine was leaving my system and I felt on the verge of collapse, before I finally hit the jackpot. I grinned. A whole entire profile of things on Mello? Whoever had written this must have been someone close to him who just _happened _to betray him.

But my grin fell and I felt even more feint as I read on.

Mafia. Mello, Mihael Keehl, the second in line to succeed L, had joined the mafia. And not only that. He was the fucking _head _of the mafia.

God dammit.

The article also stated that he was in Los Angeles. I took another drag of my cig, but my hand was shaking. So, we were in the same city... What a coincidence.

Who had written this? I mean, to publish information such as this, about a mafia boss no less, on a website... though, it _was _pretty challenging to hack into... Of course, it didn't have his real name, birthday, or information about Wammy's in it. It was just some of his mafia history, along with a phone number. I shouldn't even consider calling it...

As I realized something, I wanted to laugh. Laugh like a freaking maniac, because I had been so worried about damaging Mello's great reputation as a bringer of justice when in reality he was the head of a criminal organization.

I guess separation does terrible things to someone, because I was no better off than him.

Feeling a hundred pounds heavier due to lack of sleep, I heaved myself from the desk chair. My head was spinning as a result of this new information. If I didn't get to sleep I might go into shock, I swear.

I groaned as my cell phone rang and I had to turn around to answer it. Upon reading the number on the caller ID, however, I choked.


	16. Burn

**I wrote this chapter before I started the story. js.**

* * *

><p><strong>016: Burn<strong>

_-Mello-_

Burning flesh. Screams of horror and pain. Flashes of red. Smoke that immediately made its way into my windpipes.

This is what I was left to face, all for my idiotic decision of leaving Wammy's.

Leaving Matt.

Struggling, and knowing that every breath I take may be my last, I managed to rip my cell phone out of my pocket. This was it. This would be the last phone call I ever made. The last time I would ever hear his voice.

I typed in the number I knew by heart, hoping that I had hit the right keys. There was no way I could see the screen to check with this smoke.

The actual fire was going to be to my part of the building soon… dammit, there has to be an exit around here…

I had gone to hell and back to get that phone number. I had been… I had been planning to call him _today. _Then that damn Task Force had to come in here and ruin everything… didn't they understand that I was trying to _stop _Kira? And beat Near, but that wasn't the point…

"Hello?"

My heart practically stopped at the sound of his voice. It had barely changed in the three years we had been apart. "Matt?" Damn, my voice sounded hoarse… there was no way he could have known it was me.

Maybe that was a good thing.

"Um, yeah. Who is this?"

"It… it's Mello. Please… Matt, please help me."

There was a moment of hesitation, and I was sure he would hang up. I wouldn't blame him. I had left him without explaining myself. I had seen the hurt in his eyes and yet I had _still _left. I probably made his life hell.

I knew that I would die soon. Even if I managed to make it out of here, I would die if I didn't have medical attention soon. But before I die… I have to tell Matt… I have to make sure he knows-

"Where are you?"


	17. Change

**017: Change**

_-Matt-_

The fingers of my left hand drummed on my knees impatiently as my right hand lifted the coffee to my mouth in a desperate fight to stay awake.

Just until Mello wakes up.

Then I can sleep.

Of course, I knew that staying awake by his side was pointless, because there was a chance that he wouldn't wake up for quite a while- or ever. But I refused to believe that. This was Mello. Mello was the toughest person I knew. He could get through this. He could get through anything.

I pulled out my cell phone to check the date and time. A sigh.

Day four, hour six of no sleep.

The doctors were constantly begging me to go home and rest, or at least take a nap. I didn't even look at them, pretending not to acknowledge their words. Eventually, they understood that I wasn't going to leave and gave it up. The only time I had left Mello's side was the occasional bathroom/smoking break, or to grab coffee and something to eat, which I always brought back with me.

Several chocolate bars sat on the little table next to me for when Mello awoke.

My goggles covered my eyes, and I stared around the orange-tinted room. Mello would hate this. He would hate it so much. Waking up in a completely white room that smelled like sick people, hooked up to big machines and unable to get out of his bed...

Mello...

Half of his face- including his left eye- was covered in gauze, which the doctors changed constantly. The bandages were also on that side of his next and part of his chest, but that was hidden by the blankets. There was a chance he would lose sight in his left eye, but other than that and the inevitable scar, there wouldn't be any permanent damage. The part of his skin that was visible was tinted gray. I'd never tell him this, but he looked like... a corpse. My heart twinged in pain.

I almost wanted to laugh at the irony of this. I had wanted so badly to see Mello again after those three long years. And here he was in front of me, lying on a hospital bed and fighting off death.

What was I going to tell Mello, once he woke up? Of course, since I had saved his life, I got to interrogate him first, but... I already knew he was in the mafia. There wasn't going to be much more than that for him to tell me.

But what I had to tell him...

It was almost like... it would be a joke. He would never be able to believe that I had changed so much in just three years. I would tell him that I was now the world's best illegal hacker. I also had gotten addicted to several different illegal drugs. I had one-night stands with random guys when I wasn't working. All of this to drown out the pain of him leaving me. Yeah, right.

Groaning in frustration, I pulled out my cigarettes. I had just gone out for a smoke this morning, but... I glanced around the room. Empty other than Mello and myself. You could definitely get thrown out of a hospital for smoking...

Shrugging, I pulled out my lighter and lit up, taking a long drag of the cancer stick.

"God dammit Matt, three years later and you're _still _smoking?"


	18. Regret

**018: Regret**

_-Mello-_

Due to the large sum of money that Matt offered up, the doctors allowed me to leave the next morning.

The moment I had awoken to find Matt sitting by my bed, smoking a cigarette, I thought I was dead. There was only one flaw with that. If I was dead, and this was Hell... Matt wouldn't be there. Simply because Matt was too innocent to ever do anything bad enough to end up in Hell.

And with all the people I had killed, this sure as hell wasn't Heaven.

The redhead whom I hadn't seen in over three years took one look at me, and a wave of emotion ran over his face (though I wasn't sure exactly what it was, since he was still wearing those damn goggles), and he ran to get the doctors. Not long after the doctors had arrived to examine me, Matt had passed out in the chair next to me. I snorted. Sleep-deprived dumbass.

Though, as Matt currently had to help me get into the car with him, I realized just how bad a condition the explosion had put me in.

The whole left side of my face was scarred, along with a lot of that side of my body. I could still see out of both eyes, luckily, but everything seemed a little... hazy. I would be walking with a limp for some time, and had several cracked ribs, most likely a result of jumping out of the first window I saw (which happened to be on the second floor).

Matt hadn't mentioned _that _yet. Neither had I. As to be expected, things were a bit... awkward, between us. When in the hospital, the only conversation between us was either me complaining about his smoking or demanding chocolate, or him asking how I was feeling. The whole car ride was filled with a painfully awkward silence.

Matt pulled up to an apartment complex, and I whistled. Pretty nice place. This was where Matt lived? What the hell did he do for a living? He was only nineteen! Wait, maybe eighteen... His birthday was still a month away, wasn't it...

Matt parked his car in the parking deck, purposely far away from all of the other cars, and came around to the passenger side to help me out. I leaned on him, an arm around his shoulders. Mentally, I cringed. Our bodies were so close... Back at Wammy's, we were _always _this close, but... Now it just felt because it was uncomfortable, or because it was Matt.

It was because I was overwhelmed with guilt at the realization that this was what I had left.

We took the elevator up to his apartment- Penthouse, no less! Now I was _really _curious as to what Matt did that allowed him to have such nice accommodations.

As we entered the room, I watched in slight amusement as Matt carelessly threw his laptop case to some corner of the room. "Damn, they picked a nice place..."

I blinked. "What?"

His head snapped back to me, as if he had forgotten I was there. "Oh, yeah. I had a... _contact _of mine move my stuff to a new location, and this was what they picked. Not exactly low-profile, but-"

"_Matt," _I interrupted, my voice taking on a warning tone. "How can you afford this? What do you _do?"_

Oh God, please don't say that Matt is L.

He sighed dramatically, then started wandering off to one of the many rooms. "I'm a hacker," he called back, not turning to face me.

I just stood there, looking like an idiot. "You're... a hacker? Like, an illegal hacker?"

When Matt returned seconds later, his goggles were around his neck and his eyes held an icy glare that I thought only _I _could manage. I literally stumbled back, hitting the door behind me.

"I wouldn't really be talking, Mr. Mafia-Boss," he hissed, suddenly pressed against me, our faces an inch apart.

Well, I certainly did not feel like a mafia boss at the moment.


	19. Slip

**This is turning more into something with plot than random oneshots :'u**

* * *

><p><strong>019: Slip<strong>

_-Matt-_

I don't know how it happened. I don't know exactly _what _set me off. I don't know why I did it.

But suddenly I was pressing Mello against a wall with the only thing stopping me from pulling a knife out being that he could probably fend me off easily.

"Woah, Matt, calm down-"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" I hissed, my hands gripping Mello's shoulders harder. He would surely have bruises later, and I would surely pay for it. I wondered why he hadn't pushed me away yet. He wasn't even struggling. Though, this did nothing to calm the anger that I fe-

No. It wasn't anger at all. It was more like all of the hurt and the pain I had experienced over the past three years because of him was bubbling to the surface. And now that that was released... I let out a deep breath, and the rush of emotions was gone. Now I just felt deflated. Not loosening my grip on his shoulders, I pressed my head against Mello's chest and willed the tears in my eyes to go away.

"You _left _me, Mello." My voice was barely more than a whisper, and I felt Mello flinch as he heard the obvious pain in it.

I felt strong arms wrap around my waist, and by instinct, my hands left his shoulders and wound themselves around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. Mello's lips were on my ear. _"I'm sorry."_

I blinked, my eyes still moist. Did Mello's voice crack? And did he really just... apologize?

I turned my head upwards towards his, and stared in shock at the look of absolutely _adoration _in his eyes. Without another thought, I crushed my lips against his.

Somehow we ended up on the couch, him on top of me, and finally broke away, panting. My arms were still wrapped around his neck, keeping his body pressed against mine. If Mello had asked, I would have told him that I liked his body heat, but in reality, I feared that if I let go I would lose him.

I pressed my face against his neck, finally letting the tears that I was holding in flow. I felt pathetic, of course, because this was nothing like the emotionless hacker J that I had become. Slowly but surely, I was slipping back into my old self, becoming the kid that I had been at the orphanage. Not J, the infamous hacker. Not Mail Jeevas, the kid that didn't give a fuck about _anyone. _

This was _Matt_, who existed solely for the purpose of being with Mello.

"Don't ever leave me again."

I felt Mello nod and heard a soft murmur of agreement. And even though he could have promised the same thing all those years ago and still left, I knew that it was the truth.

Nothing could separate us anymore.


	20. Smirk

**I honestly didn't know that this was one of the prompts when I titled the story.**

**Also, I wanted to write this one through Matt's POV, despite the last chapter being his too. So the next two after this will be Mello.**

* * *

><p><strong>020: Smirk<strong>

_-Matt-_

After the explosion, Mello never looked the same again. He had that terrible scar covering the left side of his body... it looked so painful. Of course, he could have gotten the skin grafts and made the scar completely unknown, but... he refused. And even though he would never admit it, I knew it was because of my words to him.

_"You're even more beautiful now."_

Of course, I had put all of my heart into those words, and meant them, too. The expected reaction would be for the receiver of those words to pull their lover into their arms and just hold them there, unspeaking.

Of course, this was Mello.

So, he just looked at me for a moment, studying me as if my words were a challenge. Hell, to him, they probably were. So after a moment of silence, he snorted, then looked at me with his ever-present smirk. "That's _sexy, _Matty."

**.**

One month after the accident, Mello and I were still living together in that up-class apartment. It was a bit too... obvious, for my taste, but Mello assured me that the moment someone broke in and tried to harm me was the moment he pulled out his gun and shot them between the eyes.

Oh, how I loved having a mafia boss as my boyfriend.

... Boyfriend?

The word sounded foreign. Mello and I weren't _dating. _So he couldn't be my _boyfriend. _And _friends _don't sleep in the same bed every night and have rough sex on a daily ba-

Cough.

Though, the term _lover _sounded even stranger that boyfriend did, so that was out too.

Looking up from my game, I studied Mello. His eyes were quickly scanning the words on a paper; a report on the Kira case, no doubt. A half-eaten chocolate bar hung between his lips, matching the cigarette dangling from mine. There was a slight frown between his eyebrows, as I noticed happened frequently when he was confused about something. Just seeing him sitting there, in all his leather-clad glory...

He was simply _Mello._

Mello; the mafia boss. Mello; the chocolate addict. Mello; the obvious badass. Mello; the boy that I was in love with.

For now, that was enough.

I was tempted to voice my question and see how Mello considered us, but the stronger part of me kept my mouth shut. It wasn't because I was afraid of the answer, of course. More as though I felt like his response would come in the form of a smirk and a mocking, "I'm the one that dominates your ass every night."


	21. Fragile

**Note: In the story, it is currently about a month after Matt and Mello reunited. So, late January. One year before their deaths.**

* * *

><p><strong>021: Fragile<strong>

_-Mello-_

"Mel_lo," _the quivering boy underneath me gasped out, half in complaint, half in pleasure.

I didn't answer immediately, instead moving my mouth from his neck to his lips, easily dominating him. His lips moved against mine clumsily, and I instantly smirked. _Who's complaining now?_

When we broke away, Matt was panting, and my eyes hungrily took in the sight of him. Hair ruffled, cheeks flushed... He looked so utterly fuckable that it should be illegal.

That's kind of funny because almost nothing we do _is _legal.

One of my hands slid up Matt's -striped- shirt as I finally replied. "Mm, yes?" I resumed kissing his neck as my hand found one of his nipples and started teasing it, the smirk never leaving my face.

"W-we shouldn't- ah- be do_oing_- nng- this r-right now! R-rod is going-" Pant. "-g-going to be h-here soon with- Nng, _Mello!_"

Seeing Matt beneath me, shaking in pleasure as I pulled his shirt off and proceeded to kiss down his chest and have his hands twisting in my hair, was a sight that would be an easy turn-on for any person, regardless of gender or sexuality. So, that being said, I didn't give a damn if Rod or any of my other subordinates walked into the apartment right n-

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything."

I swore under my breath, lifting my head up and looking in the direction in which the taunting voice came from. I rolled off of Matt and onto the couch next to him, snaking an arm around his waste and turning my best mafia boss glare on the man standing in the doorway. I wasn't sure whether I should be furious at him for walking in while I was so fucking turned on, or laughing at Matt's embarrassment.

He was as red as his hair, and that was some feat.

"How the hell did you even get in here?" I muttered sarcastically, but apparently loud enough for him to hear for he took a few steps closer, leaning against the couch across from us.

"Someone must have left the door unlocked when they were forced to go smoke outside." He gave his big ugly grin as Matt's face turned even redder.

"Do you have the report?" I asked sharply. Better to just get this done quickly and return to what we were doing...

Rod's grin disappeared quickly and he threw the multi-paged report on the coffee table in front of us. I didn't even glance at it.

"There's the report, but... There's also something else that I was supposed to discuss with you." I quirked an eyebrow at his choice of words and motioned for him to continue. "This is mentioned in that report, but as of yesterday, we have Near's location and a pretty likely guess on the location of the Second L."

My eyes widened, then narrowed. "And where are they?"

"Tokyo. Both of them. Now, we've been thinking about sending a team in to kill the Second L as you've been planning- but the problem is that we can't really send in a big team, if we're really dealing with a genius detective. It would be too obvious."

"So what do _you _think we should do, for a team?" My tone was mocking. It didn't really matter what he said, for I had the final word. Rod knew it, too.

"I was thinking you, me, and two subordinates. We go by helicopter, with one of the subordinates flying it. That would be the most efficient way to do it without getting all of us killed. Though, overall, the mission in itself would take up to a few weeks-"

I felt my posture go tense. "What about Matt?"

"This is a bit too dangerous for _him _to handle, don't you th-"

"Get out."

Surprisingly, the words didn't come from my lips (even though they were on my mind), but Matt's. I blinked at him in shock. I had never heard his voice so cold before, even when he freaked out on me when I got out of the hospital. Rod's eyes flickered from Matt to me before he shrugged and left the apartment quickly. Even though it hadn't come from me, Rod knew better than to question Matt.

There was a moment of silence before Matt made a chocked sound, and suddenly I was on my feet, pulling him into a tight embrace. His bare chest fit against mine perfectly, and I welcomely took in his body heat. His face was buried in my shoulder, and even when I tried to pull back to look at him, he wouldn't let me go.

"Matty?"

"You can't ever leave me again." The words were muffled, but there was such misery in them that I felt my heart breaking.

On instinct, I stroked his hair, feeling the tension slightly leave his body. "Matt... I would never leave you again. You know that. This would only be for a few weeks..."

When Matt pulled away enough for me to see him, his eyes were clouded with tears. "Please don't go."

Just to make it sound even more sad, he _whispered _it.

We had been reunited for a month, but... Matt was still so fragile. He didn't even like it when I would go to the store to get more chocolate, and he made me hold any mafia meetings in our apartment, regardless of how dangerous that was.

Of course, I was the dominating one in this relationship. I was the mafia boss. And I knew that Rod was right and I couldn't take Matt with us for the fact that it was simply too dangerous. So, I should be able to tell Matt that I had to do this and he would be alright alone for two weeks... Right?

But the only word that escaped my lips as I pulled Matt against me once more was, "Never."


	22. Secret

**022: Secret**

_-Mello-_

"Hey Mels, I'm going out for some cigarettes! Want anything?" Matt's voice called from the living room. He was smart enough to not come in the room to tell me; he knew how much I disapproved of his smoking habits.

"Get me some chocolate. Also, we're out of lube!" I shouted the second part just to make him blush, and he knew it, too, for not a moment later I heard Matt fumbling with his keys and the door slamming.

**.**

Over an hour later, I was sitting on the couch, wondering why it was taking Matt so damn long to pick up a few items. Maybe the convenience store near us was out of the brand of cigarettes he liked? That had happened before. He ended up going all the way across town to a grocery store to find the right kind.

Still, being the head of the mafia with Matt being a famous hacker, I couldn't help but worry.

Not that I would admit that.

I paced over to the window, throwing back the curtain. We were still in the same penthouse suite after nearly two months, and I could tell that unnerved Matt endlessly. I gazed down at the streets so far down below. It was late February, and everything was covered in thick sheet of ice and snow.

It then hit me that Matt was more than likely driving his fancy brand-fucking-new red sports car that sure as hell didn't have snow tires.

Seeing as he sold the other one.

"Dammit, what if that idiot has gotten in a crash?" I growled, out loud, pulling out my cell phone.

I hit the speed dial for Matt's cell and leaned against the window, waiting.

_Ring._

_Ring. _

_Ring. _

_Ring. _

_Ring. _

_Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messa-_

"God dammit!" I hung up, throwing my phone down. Matt didn't answer his phone.

Matt _always _answers his phone.

That wasn't helping my nerves at all. Matt wasn't answering his phone, and he wasn't home after an hour. Letting out a snarl, I started for the door, picking up a heavy winter jacket hanging near it on my way out.

Screw leather, it's cold outside.

Even though I was walking, since of course, Matt was stupid enough to drive his car, it didn't take long for me to reach the convenience store a few blocks away. I threw the door open, shuddering from the cold. I was earned a glare from the young girl behind the counter, before I threw down the hood of my jacket and a flirtatious smile grew on her face. I rolled my eyes, strolling over to the counter.

"Can I help you?" I tried to ignore the way she batted her eyelashes.

Instead of replying with a snarky comment like I would have liked to, I used my best bargaining voice on her. The voice that got anybody to agree with me and everybody to want me. "You can." Smirk. "Any chance you could tell me if a redheaded boy was in here earlier? Wearing stripes, possibly goggles. Cute?"

Her smile left her face, as if she knew that I was the lover of this boy. But it returned just as quickly, and she even giggled. "Nooo, but, instead of searching for Goggle-Boy, why don't you just have _me?" _She attempted a smirk that didn't look good on her face at all.

I was already strolling towards the door before she could speak another word. Only when the glass door was halfway pushed open and I was being hit in the face with cool air did I call a response over my shoulder. "I'm gay, and taken. Thanks."

**.**

I absolutely did not keep wandering around LA in the freezing weather searching for Matt. That would have been way below my levels. That was something only someone soft would do. There was no way that I would-

No, I would, and I did.

Right after leaving the convenience store, I had reached for my phone to try calling Matt again, only to realize that I hadn't grabbed it in my hurry out of the apartment. I swore loudly, gaining a few looks from shivering pedestrians, and took off running down the streets.

I had probably searched over half an hour already, with no sign of Matt, and I was freezing my ass off. Okay, so I really should have gone back to the apartment. Matt was probably fine. Hell, he might be back there already. But the thing that kept popping into my mind was...

Why would Matt say he was going out for cigarettes but not go to the place he normally got them, unless he wasn't getting cigarettes at all?

I was about ready to give in and head back home when I spotted him: a flash of vibrant red on top of a striped hoodie. Walking towards a red sports car that still looked in perfect condition despite the terrible weather.

I couldn't exactly say anything, since he was across the street and never would have heard me. I glanced up. He was walking out of Walgreens... The hell? I mean, sure, they sell cigarettes there (I think). But why go so far from the apartment...?

That wasn't the only thing that made me suspicious. Matt was holding something in his hand, but it sure as hell wasn't a pack of cigarettes and some chocolate. I couldn't be sure, since he was so far away, but...

Was he holding a pill bottle?

* * *

><p><strong>1) I was 958 words into this when I realized that they don't have ice and snow and harsh winters in Los Angeles. So, if you could just ignore that and act like it's no big deal, I would love you forever. Snowy wintery scene just set the mood. js. ;_; <strong>

**2) Did anybody else feel like Mello would look a lot like a robber if he were to burst into a convenience store with the hood of his jacket covering his head?**

**3) This is what I mean by plot, dammit. I leave chapters on cliffhangers, making you all know that it will continue and not be a oneshot like it should. _Fml. _**


	23. Past

**023: Past**

_-Matt-_

I remembered to stop at the convenience store on my way home, picking up some cigarettes and several bars of chocolate. Mello would be suspicious if I had left and not come back with what I originally had originally gone out for.

Then again, I was gone so long that he might be suspicious anyways. God damn lines.

I walked into the apartment with my hands stuffed into the pockets of my hoodie; a light jacket really wasn't proper attire for the current weather, but it was the first thing I had seen that belonged to me.

Mello was sitting on the couch that faced the door, as if he was expecting me. Hell, of course he was expecting me; I had been gone for two hours for what should have been a fifteen minute trip!

"H-hey, Mels." I tried to sound smooth, but the stutter really ruined it.

Instead of snapping a response, demanding to know why I was gone so long like I expected him too, the blonde mafia boss just raised an eyebrow. "Nervous?"

Of course, that one word sent a rush of panic through me, which I quickly willed away. If Mello thought I was nervous, he probably thought it was because I had been gone so long and thought he was mad at me… Yeah, that had to be it!

_Just keep telling yourself that._

"Of course not," I lied smoothly, satisfied with my tone of voice. Walking past him to the bedroom, I tossed the chocolate bars onto the couch without glancing in the blonde's direction.

"Where are you going?"

His voice sounded as cold as ice, and damn if I didn't stop right in my tracks, frozen. He was mad. Of course he was mad. "I'm going to take a little nap. Really tired." I turned around to face him, hoping that my gaze was as challenging as his currently was. "That okay?"

Mello seemed hesitant, but nodded, closing his eyes. "Whatever."

But I had only taken one step before Mello was somehow on top of me, throwing us both over the back of the couch.

"M-mello!" I gasped. His glare was fierce… the glare that I had never seen used on myself before. "W-what-"

"What the hell were you buying?" he hissed, face right next to mine. I was pinned under him, my spine bending backwards over the couch. It was a very uncomfortable position, and I struggled to speak.

"Just the cigs and chocolate, Mels! I got held up on the streets by… uh… somebody crashed their car and-"

"_Matt." _The tone of Mello's voice made it obvious that he was very close to hurting me. Of course, I knew that he wouldn't. Or at least, I really hoped he wouldn't.

"Y-yes?" Damn, did I just squeak?

"I saw you. You were carrying a pill bottle."

I think I died at that moment. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. Mello… Mello saw me. He saw me buying those? Holy shit. Holy _shit. _Oh, please say that he doesn't know what they are…

"_What _were they, Matt?" Mello snarled.

"I-I-Mello, I can explain-"

"I didn't accuse you of anything, I just asked what you were buying."

"It's not anything illegal! Technically…"

"I didn't say it was." Mello's voice was suddenly calm, but still cold.

"Could… Could you get off of me first? I… I'll explain." Shit, what was I saying? I couldn't tell Mello what they were! Sure, it wasn't illegal for me to be taking them, since after months of persuading a doctor, I had gotten a _legal _prescription. The only problem was that I _shouldn't _be taking them, _especially _now! Now, two months after I had gotten Mello back, and I was still taking them…

How could I explain that I had gotten addicted?

Mello grunted, rolling off of me and sitting on the couch normally. He yanked me down roughly next to him. One of his hands rested on the side of my neck; it felt nice, warm… The other clutched one of mine tightly.

"What. Was. It?" He annunciated each word carefully, as if speaking to a child.

"W-wait, Mello, let me explain first! I… It's not illegal, for one, because I had them prescribed to me… About two years ago. And as much as they helped during that time, I've sorta gotten…" My voice dropped to a whisper, and I looked away, unable to meet Mello's eyes. "Addicted."

"If it's not illegal, why did you keep it a secret?" Ah, that's so like Mello. Ignoring the big point and jumping to why the hell he hadn't known about it.

"Because… I… I don't know, Mello! I guess that I felt ashamed that I was taking them before, so much that I now can't stop?" My whisper turned into a shout as I felt the pain boiling inside of me.

Mello's arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "What are they?" Even though he was hugging me in what seemed like a regular embrace, his words were icy and pained.

"Anti-depressants."

* * *

><p><strong>'kay, so, prolly not as bad as some of you though. trolol, I'm such a tease.<strong>

**_Yeah_, I had Matt taking anti-depressants. And sure, I imagine him doing illegal drugs as well during that period of time, but for personal reasons I don't feel like writing about that. **

_**No, **_**I did not specify any certain kind of anti-depressant and I do not plan to.**

_**Yes, **_**you ****can get addicted to anti-depressants. **

_**Yes, **_**you can die from taking them too often.**

**_The anti-depressant plotline will continue for two chapters after this. Next chapter will also be Matt's point-of-view._**


	24. Fantasy

**Haven't been able to update all day yesterday/today because I've been busy lit. roleplaying a character whose personality matches Mello's perfectly.**

* * *

><p><strong>024: Fantasy<strong>

_-Matt-_

I remained silent for a moment as Mello took in the words with a shocked expression on his face. After a whole minute had passed without him going into a rage, I started to get worried.

"Mels-"

"What the _hell, _Matt?"

Cue rage.

"_Anti-depressants? _Fucking _anti-depressants? _You- I- you were- you are- taking anti-depressants?.!" Mello was standing up now, that look of pure shock still on his face, but he wasn't fully shouting.

Swallowing, I just nodded.

"Fuck, Matt, _why?_"

I blinked, looking up towards Mello's hurt filled eyes. My next words were laced with sarcasm. "I don't know, Mello, maybe it had something to do with being left by the one person whom I loved and loved me?"

Mello, at first, looked like he had been slapped- which was a _very _odd expression to see on the blonde's face, for no one would ever dare to slap Mello. It quickly turned into an icy glare. "Great to know you've been keeping this from me."

"'Keeping this from you?' Mello, we've only been back together for two months..!"

The mafia boss looked like he was going to comment again, but instead grabbed his jacket along with my car keys and stormed out of the apartment.

I had stood up, my hand reaching in the general direction of the door, but Mello was already long gone. Sighing, feeling simply _pained, _I fell back onto the couch. Of course... I had known that Mello was going to find out soon enough; I had just hoped that I would be able to tell him myself... I had... expected him to get mad, furious even, but I didn't expect him to leave...

I stared blankly at the door, my mind replaying the scene of him leaving over and over again. Where was he going? When did he plan to come back? _Did _he plan to come back? Oh god, what if Mello was so mad and humiliated by me that he was leaving forever-

No, that was just my paranoia.

In the back of my mind, I knew that Mello would come back. He was just confused. He probably wasn't even mad at all. Knowing him, he would be gone an hour or so, just to cool off.

But the part of me that had been present during Mello's three years' absence was coming back, somehow forcing my hand into my pocket to pull out the recently acquired bottle of pills. I blinked at them. These damned pills that had been clouding my mind... making me act differently (even the past two months when Mello asked about my strange behavior, I had lied and blamed it on lack of sleep or frustration about a hacking case). These damned pills that had made Mello get mad at me and leave... These damned pills that... made me feel slightly better... dulled the pain...

Almost without thinking, I unscrewed the cap and swallowed two of them.

It didn't take long for the effects to set in, and my mind felt so clouded that it reminded me deeply of being in a drunken stupor. Only, it was different... My thoughts weren't blurred together, but they weren't exactly straight, either.

I was still able to think, and I instantly thought about what the doctor had warned me of years ago, before I started taking them. That this specific brand... You should never take more than one at once because it can affect your judgement... You're also never supposed to take them while alone, just in case you _do _take more than specified...

Of course, I was _always _alone while taking them, but had never taken more than one...

More than one...

Would that make the pain go away completely...?

No, what am I thinking? The doctor said...

He said...

It affects your judgement...

Makes you want to take more...

Dulls the pain more...?

"Just... Just one more couldn't hurt..."

**.**

Of course, somewhere along the line, one had turned into two and two into three and the next time I woke up, I was in a hospital bed.

* * *

><p><strong>I had an inner struggle with this. The prompt, 'Fantasy,' had absolutely nothing to do with a fantasy, but more of Matt's confused thoughts. Etc. <strong>

**I didn't like this chapter at all, so I'll be interested for feedback. :u**


	25. Enough

**"It all ends here."**

**loljk we're only halfway through the story**

**/POSTS THIS FIVE MINUTES BEFORE MIDNIGHT JUST SO I CAN SAY I UPDATED _TODAY_**

* * *

><p><strong>025: Enough<strong>

_-Mello-_

Whatever greater beings exist in this world must have some terrible grudge against a certain redhead and I.

Or maybe it's just karma, for at this moment, Matt was lying in a hospital bed after overdosing on anti-depressants and almost killing himself.

The moment I had stormed out of the apartment, I was overwhelmed with guilt. Had I really hurt Matt so badly those years ago that he had to take stimulants to help himself not go insane from hurt? Yes, I had, and that only proved more of what a heartless bastard I was.

That guilt increased tenfold as I came back to the apartment later to find Matt lying on the couch, his head rolled back with the open pill bottle on his lap.

Oh god, I thought he was dead.

I ran towards him, calling out his name, throwing the pills across the room and checking his pulse. It was... weak. Matt and I both hated ever having to go to hospitals because it called for more aliases and more suspcions, but at the moment, I knew it was necessary.

The doctors had given me "that look" as they told me they had pumped his stomach and he would be fine. The look that tells you they thought your loved one attempted suicide.

What if... what if it was a suicide attempt?

I pushed that thought out of my mind. Matt would never do that, no matter how upset he was. And surely me walking out of the apartment hadn't made him so upset-

Unless he was re-seeing the day that I had first left him.

I sighed, dropping my face into my hands. Dammit..! Why had I been so stupid as to-

My thoughts were broken off when I felt a hand tug on a lock of my hair. I looked up, meeting the glazed-over emerald orbs. Matt had a very confused expression on his face, and was looking at me with a questioning gaze, as if expecting me to explain everything. It was cute, in a way, but sad in another.

I stood up, by his fingers didn't leave my hair, instead twisting around the ends up it and pulling me down so my face was near his. He tried to lift his head, but failed to do so. I chuckled, closing the distance between us and pressing my lips against his.

I was shocked at how cold they were.

When I pulled away, I was still prevented from moving very far. I didn't really care, though. If Matt was already acting clingy, then he was fine. "Mm... how are you feeling?"

He blinked at me. "Mels, what happened? Why am I here?"

I frowned, finally moving a hand up to pull his away from my blonde locks. I straightened up, but this time one of my hands went directly to _his _hair. "You don't remember? I left the apartment, and... and you... the pills-" My voice cracked, and I glanced away. My voice _never _cracked.

The hacker's eyes widened. "T-the pills? Oh my god, Mello, I didn't-... did I?"

"You did." I was still glancing down, for a feared my eyes would betray me.

When Matt didn't automatically respond, I risked a glance up, shocked at what I saw. Tears were slowly forming in Matt's eyes, and he was blinking, trying to will them away. I leaned back down again, a hand placed softly on his cheek. "Matt..?"

"I-I'm sorry... Mels..."

His tone... That expression... He looked like a kicked puppy, dammit. I placed a chaste kiss on his lips again before murmuring softly, "As long as you're safe..."

Part of me, of course, was furious at him. I couldn't believe that he had been stupid enough to take more than one of those god damn things! I knew that I would be disposing of the rest the moment we got home.

"But," I continued, my voice gaining a slightly mocking tone. "Enough is enough, and I'm going to be watching you even more than before. Hell, I once heard, while back at Wammy's, that L chained himself to one of his suspects so he could watch them. Gives me ideas..."

At the look of horror on Matt's face, I broke out laughing, for I knew that he believed I had 'other' ideas involving handcuffs.


	26. Dream

**026: Dream**

_-Mello-_

Okay, let's just get one thing clear: In our sex life, Matt has _always _known who the dominant one was.

Me.

After countless nights of pounding him into the mattress, you think that it would come across as obvious that I was simply _never _going to be dominated. At least, when Matt never said anything, I assumed that was the case.

Until today.

I was stretched out on one of the couches one early March night as Matt messed around on a laptop, as usual. It was getting pretty late; maybe Matt would be ready to 'turn in for the night' soo-

"Hey, Mels?"

I glanced over to the redhead, hoping that there wasn't a pervy smile on my face to give away what I had just been thinking of. Actually, better yet, I hoped there _was_; nothing better than seeing Matt blush like a virgin before we even started. "Hm?"

He didn't even look over from his laptop as he spoke, as if this was a normal question- actually, in Matt's eyes, it might have been. "Are you ever going to let me be on top?"

Had I been eating or drinking anything, I'm sure I would have choked.

I spluttered, looking over at Matt once more. His gaze was still trained on the laptop screen, but there was the faintest hint of a smirk on his lips. "Matty, why the hell would you even _consider _asking that?" My voice was mocking, dominant; I made sure of that, hoping to pass on the message to Matt.

I got slightly irritated at the way he simply shrugged one shoulder, still not looking at me. "I had a dream."

...

Interesting.

"Oh? What kind of dream?"

Here Matt smirked, but still messed around on that damn computer. "Exactly as was implied, Mels. A dream where I was on top."

My jaw dropped in utter disbelief. Okay, if Matt was having _that _kind of dream about us, it should definitely be one where _I _was fucking _him _to the point where he couldn't walk-

Ahem.

And he could say that so calmly, without even looking at me! No one, not even- no, _especially not- _Matt, suggests dominating me! Standing up silently and slinking over to where Matt sat on the other end of the couch, I smirked. I shut the laptop with one hand and placed it on the floor. Matt glanced up, raising an eyebrow.

In the blink of an eye, I was straddling the other boy's hips, arms around his neck. His eyes shined with mischief and slight wariness as I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his in what quickly turned into a heated kiss. Just as I expected, he tried to fight for dominance, instead of submitting as usual. I smirked into the kiss and ground my hips against his at that moment. He moaned slightly into the kiss and didn't fight my tongue's intrusions anymore.

Not a minute later, we were somehow both shirtless and panting. I stood up, pulling the redhead bridal-style into my arms, despite his protests. "Mm... Absolutely _not," _I murmured softly as I headed towards the bedroom.

Matt looked up at me behind long lashes, and I swear I got even more aroused just by that sight. "W-what?"

"I was answering your question. No. You absolutely cannot be on top."

I expected him to pout, but instead, he surprised me by stretching his neck and pressing his lips against mine softly. He pulled away with a small, innocent smile. "I think I'm fine with that. For now."

* * *

><p><strong>Guys. I'm really on the border of this being rated M. :'u <strong>


	27. Waste

**027: Waste**

_-Matt-_

"Matty, get me something to drink?" Mello called sweetly as I stood up and headed for the kitchen.

"Sure." I chuckled softly.

The moment the kitchen door swung open, my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out in confusion. Only Mello and I knew the phone numbers for our cell phones for privacy reasons, and Mello was ten feet away... I glanced at the phone. Blocked number. Of course, it could always be a telemarketer or something, but our cells never got that kind of call...

I shot a glance towards the door, then back to the phone. Mello wouldn't approve of me answering a blocked number on a phone that should have been private, especially not without him in hearing distance...

But of course, my curiosity got the better of me and I flipped the phone open.

"Um... hello?" Did my voice sound as strange with whispering as I thought it did?

"Is this Matt?"

Insert paranoia here.

The voice was low, slightly monotone. Flat. Absolutely no emotion. It sounded so familiar, but I couldn't place it... "... Yeah, it is. Who is-"

I broke off mid-sentence as the realization hit me.

"_Near?" _Thank god I hadn't actually shouted that, like I almost did, because Mello would have come storming into the room.

There was a pause at the other end, and I tried to picture him. Most likely sitting on the floor, wearing white pajamas, of course. One leg pulled up to his chest and the other stretched out. One hand would be holding the phone and the other would be twirling a lock of snowy white hair as he blinked at how stupid I had just sounded; of course it was Near, and that should have been obvious the second he spoke.

"Yes. My sources have informed me that you have reunited with Mello recently; is that correct?"

I didn't even want to _know _how he had possibly found that out, or how he had gotten this phone number in the first place. My voice sounded hoarse. "Y-yes, it is. Why?"

This boy was the enemy of the love of my life and I hadn't spoken to him in over three years, yet this was the conversation we had.

"I have recently acquired relevantly accurate portraits of Mello and myself from Wammy's, done by Linda some time ago. I wanted to know if Mello would like for me to destroy his for safet-"

And _that _was when the door flew open and Mello burst into the room.

His eyes narrowed, staring at the cell phone that I had inconspicuously attempted to hide. "Who... are you talking to?" His voice was laced with confusion, as he, of course, thought these cells were private.

Well, so did I, until a few minutes ago.

I'm sure I looked like a deer caught in the headlights as Mello stalked towards me. I held the phone slightly away from me as I glanced around the room, refusing to meet Mello's eyes. "Well- um-"

"_Matt?" _His voice was dangerous, and I knew exactly what would happen if I didn't answer immediately.

"It's, um, it's Near."

Time seemed to freeze as Mello glared at my cell phone as if it were Near himself. In one fluid movement, so quick I didn't see it coming, he had snatched the phone out of my hand, staring at it.

I half expected him to raise the phone to his ear and start screaming profanities at the white-haired boy, but instead, he _snapped _my cell phone in _half. _Then, with a coy smile on his face, handed the pieces back to me. I stared, gaping, as he responded with, "There. That fixes _that _problem."

I was still staring in shock at my broken phone as he walked past me to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water. He turned to walk out, pausing at the door. "Matt, you coming?" he called back with a smirk.

My mouth still agape like a goldfish, I dropped the phone on the counter and followed him. _What a waste of a perfectly good phone... _

* * *

><p><strong>I had to incorporate Near into this chapter somehow, since today is August 24th! Happy birthday, Near! :D<strong>

**God, I love to write Near. I just never get to, because I hate having Near in Mello/Matt fics, because he often screws with the plot. I need to write something with Near in it some day! :c **


	28. Note

**028: Note**

_-Mello-_

I'm not exactly sure when it started, but Matt and I kept leaving notes for each other.

A lot.

Since it was June, four months after the 'incident,' I knew Matt was no longer taking the damned anti-depressants, and didn't care when he left the apartment by himself. But, seeing as he was a total social recluse, that was normally just to get cigarettes or groceries or a new game. And Matt had taken to leaving only when I was asleep, so as to not be apart from me for that long.

And after the first time I woke up and found the apartment empty, he knew it was better to at least leave a note first.

Granted, I can't say I was all that happy when I woke up at eleven thirty PM to discover there was not a hot redhead on the couch next to me, but instead a sheet of paper with words hastily scrawled across,

_Mels,_

_Gonna go get wasted. See ya in the morning. _

_Jk. Midnight release of a game. _

_-Matt :)_

I had scowled, crumpling up the paper as an idea came to mind. Automatically, a smirk grew on my face.

**.**

It was several days later, and neither Matt nor I had ever spoken of the note. I had spent most of the day on the couch with an arm wrapped around Matt, watching as he worked on a particularly difficult hacking case. It was almost four AM when his eyes fluttered shut, exhausted.

Humming softly, I retrieved a notebook from the kitchen, writing out in what I made sure looked fast-written letters,

_Matt, _

_Since you're so busy with this hacking case, I really need to go find a good screw. Y'know, relieve some tension. _

_-Mello_

I slammed the door quite loudly, jogging to the elevator. I wasn't even three floors down yet as my cell phone rang and Matt screamed at me to get my ass back there.

Mission accomplished.

**.**

Notes like these continued. After a few weeks, the ones from Matt changed, turning a bit more... sexual. These varied from a simple, "Meet me in the shower? ;)" when he wasn't even _home _and then pretended he didn't remember writing it later, to things that got me excited just from _reading _them. Blueballing, much?

When I woke up early one morning, still on the couch, with Matt's head resting on my lap, I smirked. This was... perfect. It wasn't often that Matt and I actually fell asleep at the same time, other than after a good fucking, but that obviously hadn't happened last night since we were still on the couch. Inspired by Matt's recent notes, I knew exactly what I had to say.

I quickly wrote down my note, then exited the apartment silently. Wouldn't want Matt to wake up just yet...

_Matty, _

_You wanted to be on top, right? _

_I'm waiting. _

_;) _

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><p><strong>I switched today's prompt and tomorrow's prompt because I needed more time to think about that one... ; ; <strong>


	29. Hope

**029: Hope**

_-Matt-_

"You know it'll happen eventually, right?"

I glanced up at Mello, who was peering over my shoulder at the laptop screen which held the latest Kira killings. "What will?"

He shoved the laptop away, moving to straddle my hips and place a kiss chaste kiss on my lips. "Someday, we'll be separated again."

On a normal day, this comment would have made me worried about the possibility of Mello leaving me. Of course, I knew he would never leave willingly again, but... he was always talking about how he thought me being around his mafia subordinates was dangerous...

God dammit, I'm not some fragile thing.

But, today, I only closed my eyes, leaning my head back, smiling when he took it as an opportunity to press a kiss to my neck. Even though his words had been simple, there was a hidden meaning implied.

No, Mello wouldn't leave me. Ever. Even if it was risking my life, he knew that I would be happier if we stuck it out _together _until the end. And that was exactly what he meant.

_Would death be the one thing to separate us?_

We knew that what we were doing was dangerous. Hell, even L himself had gotten killed while attempting to track down Kira. But then again, nothing we had _ever _done had been considered _safe. _Mello risked _everything _trying and succeeding to climb the ranks of the mafia. I was _still _risking my life on a daily basis for hacking jobs simply because it was habit; it wasn't even for the money anymore.

There were many who wanted Mafia Boss Mello or Hacker J dead for our very existence, but even more who wanted to destroy those opposing Kira.

Nobody in the entire world had photos of us, save for Near, who had that drawing of Mello (though he would never dare show it to anyone; Near was a lot smarter than that). I had cleared all data of us from the Wammy's server years ago, and they never had pictures anyway. The information about Mello that I had found online all those months ago had long been erased also. Mihael Keehl and Mail Jeevas didn't even _exist _to the world anymore; Wammy's had wiped our information the day we had been brought to the orphanage, and it was the same with all the others.

I thought back to what Mello had told me back in January, about the 'Death Note,' or whatever it was called. A killing notebook. Kira's weapon. It was, of course, difficult to believe (especially since the one the Mello had had been taken back by the Task Force when they blew up the mafia headquators), but I knew that Mello would never make up a lie about something that outrageous. It simply wasn't his style. If he was going to lie, he would at least make it _believable. _

So, if all of Mello's story had been true, Kira needed both a name and a face to kill someone. The only problem with that was that there was also something called the 'Shinigami Eyes' that allowed one to see another's real name and lifespan... And if Kira or any of his accomplices were to have those eyes, simply meeting Kira in person without realizing who it was could be fatal.

I realized that I had been staring off into space for quite some time, and leaned forward to kiss Mello once more. He seemed a bit surprised, but that familiar smirk grew on his lips. "Yeah, I know."

"..."

"Mels?"

"Hm?

"Do you believe in the afterlife?" When we were younger, Mello had often worn a rosary, but it had apparently belonged to his mother and he himself wasn't religious in the slightest. I felt the need to ask.

"Normally, I would say no, but with the existence of shinigami... I'm not sure."

I messed with his hair, humming slightly. "Guess we can only hope, then."

He frowned. "Hope...?"

"Hope than whatever greater deity is out there has the decency to let us stay together _forever."_


	30. Hug

**030: Hug**

_-Mello-_

"This is stupid."

"Then why are you even here?"

"You know I can't resist those god damn puppy eyes of y-"

He smirked.

My jaw tightened.

_"Mello, I want to go on a date."_

_"A _what?_"_

_"A, um, a date. Y'know, it's where two people-"_

_"I know what a date is!" I snapped. _

_"I want to go on one."_

_He stood right in front of me, shorter by an inch or two. This worked to his advantage, because he could look up at me from underneath abnormally long lashes, emerald eyes sparkling with innocence. A small pout was on his lips. _

_Dear God, I wanted to fuck him so bad at that moment._

_I let out a sigh. "No."_

_He blinked a few times, still giving me that same look. After a moment, he glanced away in hurt, murmuring a soft, "Oh."_

_..._

That was how I ended up waiting in line at a movie theater with Matt. _A movie theater. _The most cliche date spot in the universe.

But when I complained to Matt about it, he answered with his puppy eyes and a confident, _"This is where most couples go for a first date."_

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or hit him, so I did both.

It was odd to think of this as a 'first date.' Matt and I had known we were meant to be together since we were twelve. And now we lived together, we slept together... We were never apart for more than an hour or so at a time.

But the idea of a 'date' never appealed to me.

Most of it is triggered by paranoia, of course. With Kira out there along with Near and all of the enemies Matt and I had for our various work, going to a public place for something so casual seemed like a bad idea. But it wasn't just that; another big part of it was that _this wasn't my idea of fun._

But I knew that it would make Matt happy, and that was the real reason I went along with it. Just to see that smile light up his face like it did when he got a new game or solved a particularly difficult hacking case. He deserved this, too. If he wasn't playing games or hacking, he was helping me track down Near and Kira. If I wasn't working on the Kira case, I was pounding Matt into the mattress.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that we had already gotten our tickets and were standing outside the entrance to the theater. Matt tugged on my hand to get my attention, and I stopped walking to turn and face him.

There was a small smile on his face; not the bright grin that I had been thinking about, but just... a happy smile. He let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me against him. The smile never fading, he placed a light kiss on my lips before burying his head in my neck. "Thank you."

_We're not even in the theater yet-_

Matt obviously didn't care that people were staring, and hell if I did. I returned the gesture, kissing Matt's forehead. I almost smirked at the way most of the people around us looked slightly disgusted. A few of the non-homophobic people let out a soft, _"Aww!" _but that was it. Good.

I didn't want anyone to ruin this moment anyway.

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><p><strong>Sorry guys. The past few days have been really hectic for me. ;; Up until now, my teachers have been on strike, but now with a one-day-in-advance notice, I'm starting school tomorrow. And I still have a million and one things to do before I sleep, so ;; this was rushed**


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